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Cultivating self love: a step by step guide

Updated: Oct 28, 2022

cultivating self love: a step by step guide

What comes to mind when you think of the words Self Love? Do you love yourself?

A couple of years ago when I was feeling low, self-love was something I was reminded of when trying to help myself feel better. I realised I didn't really feel that I loved myself. Somewhere along the way I'd lost the love for myself that I once felt instinctively as a child. I see it so abundantly in my own children. They think they're the bees knees and so they should! It made me sad to feel I'd lost it and I wanted to get it back. So I vowed to practice self-love and start to really love myself and hold myself in high regard. It's been a bit of a journey!

Practicing self love can feel weird or awkward if you’re not used to it. Most of us are living in the land of inadequacy and feel like we’re “not enough”. We spend our days searching for ways to fill the giant hole. But it can’t be filled with things out there, it’s inside you. There is love in your chest just waiting like the sun to burst through. The love and acceptance you’re searching for are yours already. For some of us there's a little concrete barrier around our heart!

Once you begin to practice self love it starts to build and gets easier.

So decide today that you’re enough, you’re worthy, you’re important just as you are.

Is self-love the same as being self-absorbed?

No. It’s not about being self-absorbed or narcissistic, it’s about getting in touch with yourself, your well-being and your happiness.

It's your ability to see yourself as a flawed, imperfect individual and still hold yourself in high regard. It's the ability to not fall into a puddle of shame or self-hatred even when you mess up. It’s trying new things knowing that you could fail, without thinking of yourself as a failure.

When you practice self-love you can push through your limiting beliefs and live a life that truly shines.

How can you practice self-love?

Self-love can be really hard. I know it is because I myself have struggled with it. It's a never-ending journey. To start it, it can be overwhelming so take small steps.

1. Speak lovingly to yourself each day

Speak to yourself with kindness, with compassion, as you’d speak to your best friend. View yourself as a thing of great beauty. There’s a never ending supply of love inside you. If you don’t feel this love straight away, or even at all, keep going! In time a little crack of light will appear.

2. Meditation for self love

A gorgeous self-love meditation is one by Sarah Blondin and you can find it here

3. Take time out to calm your mind

Breathe in and out, clear your mind of your thoughts and just be.

4. Turn off and turn in

Grab a cup of your favorite tea, coffee, wine, whatever your choice of drink, and sit down for a few minutes on your own. No TV or distractions, just you. Think about the wonderful things that are happening in your life right now. Even if you have to dig deep there will be something.

5. Surround yourself with people who love and encourage you

Let them remind you just how amazing you are.

6. Follow your passion

You know that thing that gets you so excited but scares you at the same time. The thing you really want to do but have convinced yourself it won’t work. You should do it!

7. Find something to be grateful for every day

It’s inevitable that you are going to have your down days. This is fine and part of being human. It’s especially important on these days to find at least one thing you are grateful for as it helps to shift your mind and energy around what’s going on.

8. Forgive yourself

You know that thing you did that made you feel bad, embarrassed, ashamed? It’s time to let it go. You can’t change the things you have done in the past but you can control your future. Look at it as a learning experience and believe in your ability to change.

9. Be realistic

There is no person on this earth that is happy every single moment of every single day. You know why? Because we are all human. We make mistakes, we feel emotions (good and bad) and this is OK. Allow yourself to be human.

10. Have more fun!

Get out there and do the things that light your fire. Enjoy them, enjoy being you and enjoy your life. Try something new that you've wanted to try for a while.

11. Move your body. Practice Self-Love yoga

Yoga With Adriene has a nice one here

If this feels really hard for you, that's ok. Be gentle and kind with yourself.

If you want me to, I'm here to help. Self-love is something I work on with all my coaching clients to some degree or another. I'd love to help you with this.

Thanks for reading!

PS if you found this blog interesting, you'll LOVE my emails! Subscribe to receive my emails here. I'll send you one every few weeks and you can unsubscribe at any time.

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