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Cultivating Self-Worth: Understanding, Nurturing, and Coaching Yourself to Thrive

What is Self-Worth?

Self-worth is a fundamental aspect of our psychological wellbeing that shapes our perception of ourselves and influences how we navigate through life. It's the foundation on which our self-esteem, confidence, and overall wellbeing are built. It includes how we perceive and value ourselves, as well as the belief that we deserve love, respect, and happiness. Developing a healthy sense of self-worth is crucial for personal growth and fulfilment.

In this blog, we'll explore what self-worth is, what factors can influence it, practical and effective strategies for developing it, and provide you with powerful self-coaching questions to get started on building and cultivating this deep rooted belief system.

Can Self-Worth be developed?

Whilst our self-worth can fluctuate based on our experiences and circumstances, the good news is, it's not fixed. It's a mindset that can be nurtured, developed and improved through self-reflection, self-compassion and personal growth.

Factors Influencing Self-Worth

1. Childhood and early experiences play a significant role in shaping our self-worth. During these formative years, we develop beliefs about ourselves and our value based on the interactions, relationships, and environment we are exposed to. Here are a few ways in which childhood and early experiences can influence self-worth:

  • Parental Influence: The parenting style, warmth, and level of support received from caregivers can profoundly impact self-worth. Positive and nurturing parenting fosters a sense of security, worthiness, and confidence, while neglect or overly critical parenting can erode self-worth and create self-doubt.

  • Validation and Recognition: The extent to which our achievements, feelings, and experiences are validated and recognised by caregivers and significant others can shape our self-worth. Consistent encouragement, praise, and acknowledgement of our efforts can foster a healthy sense of self-worth, while a lack of recognition may lead to feelings of inadequacy or low self-esteem.

  • Childhood Trauma: Experiences of abuse, neglect, or significant trauma during childhood can deeply impact self-worth. Such experiences can create feelings of shame, unworthiness, and internalised negative beliefs about oneself, which may persist into adulthood if not addressed and healed.

  • Peer Interactions: The social dynamics and relationships we form with peers during childhood can also influence our self-worth. Positive interactions, acceptance, and healthy friendships can contribute to a positive sense of self-worth, whereas rejection, bullying, or exclusion can negatively impact our self-perception.

  • Cultural and Societal Influence: Cultural beliefs, societal norms, and expectations prevalent during childhood can shape our perception of self-worth. Messages from media, educational systems, and society at large about beauty standards, success, and societal roles can impact how we perceive our value and worthiness.

It is important to remember that while childhood experiences can significantly shape self-worth, they do not define us. With awareness, self-reflection, and healing work, it is possible to overcome the negative effects of early experiences.

2. Our internal dialogue, also known as self-talk, has a profound impact on our self-worth. The way we speak to ourselves internally shapes our beliefs, emotions, and overall self-perception. Here's how your internal dialogue can influence your self-worth:

  • Self-Critical vs. Self-Compassionate internal narrative: Negative self-talk, characterised by self-criticism, self-judgment, and harsh inner dialogue, can undermine self-worth. When we constantly berate ourselves for mistakes or shortcomings, we reinforce feelings of inadequacy and erode our self-esteem. Conversely, practicing self-compassion and engaging in positive self-talk can nurture self-worth by offering kindness, understanding, and support to ourselves, even in difficult moments.

  • Filtering and Distorted Perceptions: Internal dialogue can involve filtering out positive aspects of ourselves and magnifying perceived flaws or failures. This distorted perception can significantly impact self-worth, as we focus on what we believe is wrong with us rather than acknowledging our strengths and accomplishments. Shifting our internal dialogue to recognise and appreciate our positive qualities can help bolster self-worth.

  • Limiting Beliefs: Internal dialogue often reflects our underlying beliefs about ourselves. If we hold limiting beliefs, such as "I'm not good enough" or "I don't deserve success," our self-worth will suffer. Challenging and reframing these beliefs through positive and empowering self-talk can help break free from the grip of limiting beliefs and cultivate a more positive self-image.

  • Affirmations and Empowering Language: The words we use in our internal dialogue matter. Using affirmations and empowering language can positively influence self-worth. By intentionally choosing uplifting and supportive words, we can reshape our internal dialogue and reinforce positive beliefs about ourselves.

  • Self-Acceptance and Growth Mindset: Internal dialogue affects how we perceive challenges, setbacks, and personal growth. Embracing a growth mindset, which sees failures as opportunities for learning and growth, promotes self-worth. Encouraging self-acceptance, acknowledging efforts, and focusing on progress rather than perfection can foster a healthier internal dialogue.

3. Social Comparisons and Media Influences: societal pressures, comparison, and media standards can impact self-worth.

Strategies for Developing Self-Worth

1. Building self-compassion is a powerful way to increase self-worth and cultivate a positive relationship with yourself. Here are some steps you can take to develop self-compassion:

  • Practice Mindful Awareness: Begin by becoming aware of your thoughts, emotions, and self-talk. Notice any self-critical or judgmental thoughts that arise. Mindful awareness allows you to observe these thoughts without judgment or attachment.

  • Challenge Self-Critical Thoughts: When you notice self-critical thoughts, challenge them by questioning their validity. Ask yourself if there is evidence to support these thoughts or if they are based on unrealistic expectations or comparisons. Ask yourself if there is evidence against these thoughts that prove they're incorrect. Replace self-criticism with kinder, more realistic and supportive thoughts.

  • Cultivate Self-Kindness: Treat yourself with the same kindness and compassion you would extend to a loved one. Speak to yourself as you would to a dear friend who is going through a difficult time. Offer words of encouragement, understanding, and support.

  • Embrace Imperfection: Being human means making mistakes and experiencing imperfections. Embrace your flaws and understand they don't diminish your worth. Practice self-acceptance by acknowledging that imperfections are a natural part of the human experience.

  • Practice Self-Care: Prioritise self-care activities that nurture your physical, emotional, and mental wellbeing. Engage in activities that bring you joy, relaxation, and fulfillment. Set boundaries and ensure you allocate time for self-care regularly.

  • Practice Self-Compassionate Language: Use self-compassionate language when talking to yourself. Replace self-criticism with self-compassionate phrases such as, "I am doing my best," "It's okay to make mistakes," or "I deserve love and kindness."

  • Connect with Common Humanity: Remember that you are not alone in your struggles. Everyone experiences challenges and feelings of inadequacy at times. Connect with the shared human experience and acknowledge that your struggles are part of a larger narrative.

  • Seek Support: Reach out to trusted friends, family, or professionals who can offer support and guidance on your self-compassion journey. Therapy, counseling or coaching can be particularly helpful in exploring and developing self-compassion.

2. Recognising and celebrating achievements is an effective way to boost self-worth. Here are some strategies to help you acknowledge and appreciate your accomplishments:

  • Keep a Journal: where you regularly record your achievements, big or small. Reflect on your progress, milestones, and personal growth. Writing them down allows you to visually see and acknowledge your achievements, reinforcing your self-worth.

  • Set Goals and Track Progress: Set realistic and attainable goals for yourself. Break them down into smaller milestones, and track your progress along the way. Celebrate each milestone you achieve, as they contribute to your overall sense of accomplishment and self-worth.

  • Practice Self-Reflection: Take time to reflect on your achievements and the skills, strengths, or qualities that contributed to them. Acknowledge the effort and determination you put into reaching your goals. Recognise your resilience, problem-solving abilities, and perseverance.

  • Seek Feedback and Validation: Reach out to trusted individuals, such as mentors, friends, or family members, and ask for their feedback on your achievements. Hearing positive feedback and validation from others can help reinforce your belief in your abilities and boost your self-worth.

  • Celebrate Small Wins: Don't underestimate the power of celebrating small wins. Recognise and celebrate even the smallest steps forward. Treat yourself to something you enjoy, give yourself a pat on the back, or engage in a self-care activity to acknowledge your accomplishments.

  • Practice Positive Self-Talk: Use positive affirmations and self-talk to reinforce your self-worth. Remind yourself of your strengths, talents, and past achievements. Replace self-doubt with affirmations that affirm your worthiness and capability.

  • Share Your Achievements: Share your achievements with others who will appreciate and celebrate them with you. This can be done through social media, a personal blog, or simply sharing your accomplishments with friends and loved ones. The positive responses and support from others can reinforce your sense of worth and accomplishment.

3. Setting Boundaries and Prioritising Self-Care: setting healthy boundaries, practicing self-care, and prioritising your own wellbeing will help you to nurture your own self-worth. Take a look at my blog (linked above) to read more about setting boundaries to protect your wellbeing, energy and peace.

Self-Coaching Questions for Self-Worth Development

  1. Reflect on this blog with a notebook and pen, jot down anything significant that resonates with you, your story, and things you'll try out.

  2. Reflecting on Self-Perception: "How do I currently perceive myself, and what factors contribute to this perception?"

  3. Exploring Limiting Beliefs: "What beliefs or thought patterns might be limiting my self-worth, and how can I challenge and reframe them?"

  4. Identifying Personal Strengths: "What are my unique strengths, talents, and qualities that contribute to my self-worth?"

  5. Nurturing Inner Dialogue: "How can I cultivate a positive and empowering inner dialogue that supports my self-worth?"

  6. Self-Compassion and Forgiveness: "How can I practice self-compassion and forgiveness toward myself for past mistakes or perceived shortcomings?"


Developing and nurturing self-worth is an ongoing journey that requires self-reflection, self-compassion, and intentional action. By understanding what self-worth is, recognising the factors that influence it, and implementing effective strategies, you can unlock your true potential and embrace a life filled with self-confidence, resilience, and fulfilment. Remember, you are worthy of all the love and happiness that life has to offer.

Coaching for Self-Worth

Sometimes you may need additional support and guidance to overcome deep-rooted beliefs and patterns that impact our self-worth and keep us stuck. Professional coaching can play a valuable role in this. Coaching offers a safe and supportive space to explore your self-worth, identify limiting beliefs and develop strategies for growth. A skilled coach can help you gain clarity, insights, challenge self-doubt and provide personalised tools and techniques to enhance your self-worth.

If you're ready to embark on a profound journey of self-discovery and self-growth, consider signing up for my Reset. Reconnect and Revive, 12 week coaching programme. You can book a free 30 minute discovery call to find out more and see if we're a good fit.

Investing in yourself is a powerful step towards a more fulfilling and empowered life. You deserve to experience the profound transformation that comes with cultivating a deep sense of self-worth.

Thanks for reading!

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